I had a huge fear inside me recently. I came into the IT world solely on a whim; I'm not originally from any institution remotely connected to computers. I am woefully behind on skills and experience with the technologies assigned to me; and prior to getting this job I had to send my resume out hundreds of times. I went to interviews almost everyday for three months before miraculously getting a choice between two jobs - one for a C++ gig, the other making mobile games. 

I screwed up the choice, and had to resign after two months due to burnout. I then had to do three more months of job searching before I got to my current position. 

I didn't go into this with a naive mindset; I took time off to study computer science concepts, several languages, and web development. I really wanted to thrive and make a good accounting of myself. It galls me that all my effort could come to naught arbitrarily. 

As of now I get assigned to projects only occasionally; to pass the time I try to practice coding or do training sessions. I volunteer for whatever and don't complain about what task is given to me, even if said task isn't really about web development. I want to do more exciting stuff, but I'm not getting assigned to the right projects for that; and my fear is that if this continues I won't be able to advance my expertise far enough to get into a better company, let alone become a key part of my current one. 

There's also the fear that the path I am on might not pay off; even though I am trying my hardest it's like I'm still getting left behind. I've been in a funk about it for the past two weeks. What finally snapped me out of it was realizing something about the martial arts I practice. I remembered that my school's grandmaster was very powerful - I've seen videos of him in action. My current teacher may not have been on the same level, but he's still very good. And I may never get to be the same level as them, but I'll still gain something from practicing. The fact that the teaching works is proven by the grandmaster and master's prowess. And my practice for the past two years has not only made me stronger, it's cured some recurring maladies that I've had since I was ten. 

I may not know if the path I am on will lead to success and contentment, but I know the path of martial arts I am on right now is real, and it has given back to me more than I expected. And so even if I look like an idiot practicing the drills in public, even if it comes to pass that I won't be able to pass on what was taught to me, I will still continue to practice. Even if I have to keep doing standing stake in a smelly restroom cubicle, I'll do it; my life belongs to the martial arts. It will help me survive even when everything else turns to shit.