On Reputation and Empathy

Here's something to ponder - What is Reputation?

And:

Being Wrong

I'd earlier posted an entry about a very popular talk about body language. It seems like current attempts to reproduce the results of the initial experiments aren't being successful. 

Interesting videos

I believe the following clips are leading me to a breakthrough in my practice. Sharing them here so I won't forget, and so that someone may benefit from them as well.

Visayan Corto Kadena Eskrima - Sword Practice with Pendulum

Zhan Zhuang Part 2

Here's a few things I've learned in the past few years regarding standing practice:

• The scapulars must engage when raising the arms. You must feel the scapulars wrapping against the ribs.
• The glutes must also be engaged. Do this as you lift the coccyx up and maintain the closing intention in the anal sphincter.
• The upper back does not bend; it is plumb and straight. The only place the back is not plumb and straight is at the lower back.
• Relax and bend at the pelvic crease.
• Mind the weight on the feet, they should not be on the heels or toes too much.

Coincidences

I remember watching a documentary about my country's police force. A cop was responding to a report of a mugging. He was late, so he tried to do patrols around the general area perps usually frequented on the off-chance he might find the criminal. By a stroke of luck he found the criminal, who bolted. Mr. Cop gave chase, all the way into shanties - think like the old Kowloon Walled City, but wide instead of tall - in the dead of night.

Now, Mr. Cop might be a lot of things but he has my respect for being brave enough to go into the dark where knives and drug addicts and professional criminals and cop-haters abound, at night without backup other than a cameraman. 

What he was not though, was possessing of mighty endurance. He had to stop and the perp disappeared around a corner. For a while, it seemed like a clean getaway. But lo! Our intrepid authority figure spied lounging against a wall, a man who could have been in his twenties or forties. Mr. Cop put a hand on him, asking who he was, where he lived. The man was calm, even after our policeman put the handcuffs on him. It seems like our hero has caught his man.

I remember distinctly, wondering why the "perp" wasn't even breathing hard or sweating after an extended chase. He didn't have anything on his hands, no jewels or money or weapons. He had already outrun the cop, why then would he suddenly decide to stop and pretend he was a bystander, in his own turf? 

Mr. Cop had a cameraman shadowing him; he elected to chase after a criminal; he couldn't have ended the adventure empty-handed. The bystander was convenient. Most likely, he was wanted for something or was about to be wanted for something - that's usually the way things go with people from the slums. The poor sap was there. That was all our cop needed.

Slow-Burning Hot Pink

Mindsets

How the Me Right Now Understands Apologizing

I have come to understand that apologizing does not indicate the admission of guilt. It is a social ritual, a tactic by which people can restore harmony to strained relations with those of their group. You make a demonstration of recognizing that you have hurt someone, for the purpose of showing that you either did not mean to cause hurt or that the hurt that was caused was something you did not want. 

There is a strategic dimension to apologizing. It is a quick and painless way to get over the current situation so that you and your people can refocus on the greater concerns. Before industrialized times this might mean working together to get the harvest done or taking down that big prey. The one being apologized to accepts the apology to get things back into the status quo. There might be lingering feelings and the offended party might not want to forgive the offender, but the former accepts the apology because there are bigger fish to fry and a mutual concession will get things over with quicker. Plus, if he doesn't accept the apology he risks looking like the douche in the exchange, and might end up being blamed for the group's continued disharmony. 

Eventually the bad feelings are forgotten, because in a true group - at least, one that isn't dysfunctional - the more intense feelings die out while each member continually displays value the others find they could not live without.

The point is that apologizing isn't about forgiveness or making any individual feel better. It's about the group and the group's continued survival. By my definition, apologizing is a social construct for small, tight-knit, non-dysfunctional groups. Apologizing as I define it would not work when one is doing it to loose groups of slacktivists or immature governments. When people want to see the flaws, no one is perfect; when someone falls off the pedestal they crow in delight because they were "correct" - not much else matters.

When one side can hold your future hostage by affecting your livelihood, and this side has no actual incentive to accept your apology and instead can continue to put the squeeze on you - to "ruin" you, I believe the term is - apologizing doesn't work. But - and here's a thing I learned at no small cost to myself - if they can't get organized enough to endanger your livelihood or freedom, if they don't really matter to you as individuals, when the only thing the monkeys can damage is your own monkey mind, then it's fine not to apologize. 

Let's say you work in a company, and rumors about you begin to spread and a faction forms that wants to "teach you a lesson". Well, many of these people will move on because "teaching you a lesson" ultimately doesn't raise their pay or put food on the table. The faction's members really won't even be that close to each other; the most that will come out of it are a handful of Facebook connections. Facebook connections whose only real value are to fluff out newsfeeds and like pretentious selfies.

But what if you were in an environment where backlash of any kind can endanger your prospects? What if you were a public figure or an artist whose income is derived from the patronage of fans? I must admit that I don't have an answer for it, but I do know apologizing isn't the answer.

Easy Access

It was recently after I graduated that I got to work for a company fielding customer service calls. In the office there was this one person who liked to wear short skirts. While there was a dress code, it wasn't strictly enforced - shorts were fine, even pajamas were okay too.

She had friends in the office; most of them were male, or at least those I saw gravitating to her were. There were two lesbians she was close with too. This subgroup of the greater circle that was her office acquaintances, used to call her "Easy Access" - because presumably her short skirts provided that convenience. 

There was one time I was talking to another co-worker about their computer station layout or whatever, I forget. But for some reason or other I remember saying something was for easy access; turned out she was close and had overheard. She gave a quick glance, then went back to her work.

I wonder how long it took before she stopped thinking people were referring to her when someone said "easy access." And I hope she found a better circle of friends.

Not Knowing Any Better to Help Yourself

Recently I saw on TV a mother being interviewed. Her family is dirt-poor, their house is such a hovel the crew filming couldn't get in and the interview had to be done outside. She has nine children, each about a year apart from each other. Her husband works as a carter while she does laundry on the side to get money. Minutes into the bit the husband walks in on the interview; he'd just woken up from a night spent drinking. Further questioning reveals the family has not even gone to consult about family planning methods.

Those with gainful income are supposed to pay tax so the government is able to improve the country and help people climb the ladder of social classes. The government is supposed to provide tools and opportunities for people to rise up, to change their lot in life if they were dealt a bad hand. But what are we supposed to do about people like this, who seem to can't stop making the hole they are in deeper? How are you supposed to wish for health and good education for your family in the new year with those circumstances?

The interviewers ended the segment by giving the family food and money. I hope they will be able to use this to turn things around, because they won't get another opportunity like this again.