A security guard who worked for my company died of a heart attack last Sunday. I used to see him a lot, but we never really interacted.

I wonder how his last moments were. Did he have an inkling? Or did he think that it was just another normal start of the week and he'll be back at his post at this boring old job he's been doing for years? Maybe he was looking forward to seeing again those other employees he was close with.

Nothing really changed much with his absence. They got a replacement on the Monday, it was like he was never there. I did catch a conversation between the day shift guard and one of my co-employees who happened to be on the night shift; the latter was asking if he'd be there soon. Day shift guard said he most likely would be.

I'm sure he had a lot of people in his confidence. He had experiences, grudges, intrigues, failures. All gone now, all worthless. Any of us would probably give up our own experiences, grudges, intrigues, failures - if it meant staying in the world one more day.

I suppose he considered me a weird one. He'd see me as I went to my secret space to train standing meditation; sometimes I'd stay there for thirty to forty minutes (recently a full hour), and by the time I'd come out I'd be sweaty and breathing a bit heavily. Whatever he thought, it doesn't matter anymore.

All that's left is the whip-round, for the funeral. It's the right thing to do. But I feel sad that this was all a lifetime of service amounted to: a donation drive. We don't notice their passing although they contribute greatly to the quality of life we enjoy, but who is it really who suffers when they're gone?